Summer Mornings

A few weeks ago I had the privilege of a three day weekend. That meant a lot of things but one of the most important was that I got to hangout with my sweet Janie while her big sister and brother got on the school bus. The weather was perfect, as this entire August has been. 20140827-163941.jpg


A Post Without Pictures {You’re Welcome}

Have you ever had a moment with your child, when they do something that inflicts SO MUCH FUCKING PAIN to you that you your vision goes white and have to grasp a wad of whatever is closest to you in order to prevent your hands from flailing involuntarily in their direction?

…yeah, that happened.

I mean sure, with an{almost} four year old, and a one year old, it has definitely happened more than once. When my oldest was about 2, she was sitting in my lap and moved her head backwards into my nose at such a high level of velocity that I was sure It’d been flattened. All I remember is hearing a loud CRACK, then seeing white. No blood that time though. Since she never inflicted an injury that required a tourniquet, her little brother must have been plotting his “one-up” on her.

The three of us, sitting on my bed as we often do when Jackson wakes up from his nap. Laughing and cuddling and talking about dreams. An empty cup on my nightstand. A baby brother just itching to one-up his sister. He grabbed it. He chucked it. It bounced off Lilly’s head. Then straight into my mouth. A fat. Bloody. Lip.

Touche, little dude. Touche.

Face Palm

Being the mother of an [almost] four year old has got to be more entertaining than Stand Up Live. The kids go to an in-home day care, and the providers name is Katie. The other day after I had picked up the kids and we were driving home, Lilly says “Mom, Miss Katie told me to GO”. I asked her where Katie wanted her to “GO”, and she said “She told me to go play in the other room when she was talking on the phone!” [Note, she is saying this like it’s the worst thing anybody has ever told her to do. And that’s saying a lot, considering I tell her to wipe her own ass.]

I digress.

I respond with “Well did you listen to Miss Katie and leave her alone while she was on the phone?” And I quote: “No Mom, let’s not talk about it anymore. It was soooo bad”.

Where does she come up with this stuff? It’s a combination of her tone of voice, and the phrases she spits out. I just cant..


For a little nugget that looks harmless, the girl sure can be a terror. Last night when I was loading the kids into the car in front of Katie’s house, Lilly said she peed in her shorts. I thought she meant right there as she was climbing into her car seat, so naturally I FLIP and ask why she didn’t go in the bathroom. She’s never had an accident! She proceeds to tell me she had just woken up from a nap [In Miss Katie’s bed], and peed while she was sleeping. Katie didn’t mention it to me, and since Lilly was still in her pee pants, I assumed she didn’t tell Katie. Turns out my hypothesis was correct…I asked Lil and she responded with “No way, YOU tell her. You call her right now and tell her on the phone that I peed in her bed, MOM!”

The kid sure isn’t short on sass.

Parenting Fail

Just like every other mediocre parent out there, I forget to watch what comes out of my mouth while in the company of my three year old. Most of the time I don’t even notice it, and I think that’s because she doesn’t blurt out “Oooooh mommy you just said a bad word”, or whatever little three year old tattle tales who know not to cuss blurt out. It’s as if she hears me curse, stores it away silently in a memory file titled “save for later” in her little brain, waiting for the perfect opportunity to use it. Then, naturally when her pretty little mouth utters this filth, I’m like WHERE THE FUCK HECK DID YOU LEARN THAT MISSY? Please tell me I’m not alone here..


Just the other day she was banging a toy on the kitchen table, so after about 341234 times of telling her STOP IT PLEASE, I reached over and grabbed the toy and put it away. You guys…you should have seen her face. She looked at me the way I used to look at my mom when she was ruining my life by not letting a friend sleep over in the 5th grade…You know, all “How dare you, biatch..I’m totally calling CPS and telling them you hate me.” – And my mom was all like “Go ahead sweetheart, but I got news for you…They’re gonna take YOU away, not me…so have fun with your creepy new foster siblings…”

I digress

So she looked at me with this face that I’ll never forget, then her eyes got all shifty and she said:

What the…

What the…(her eyes still shifty…like she was racking her brain for the “save for later” file…)

What the…

What the HELL?!

FACE PALM! These moments are bound to happen, all I can do about it is correct them firmly, and thank God it didn’t happen in front of her Grandmother….

What are some of your recent parenting fails?

Dear Other Parents,

9:28am usually for me, includes turning off cartoons, fighting with a hair brush, and bed head, brushing my teeth, and her teeth. Finding the most work appropriate, unwrinkled, and clean outfits for the both of us. Depending on where she’s going while I’m at work, we may be doing all of this while running out the door, too.

I’m not going to work today, and my god has she already proven herself to be my favorite child in the world. It reminds me of when I was young and I would barter with my mom for things I wanted to do. “I’ll clean my room if I can spend the night at Katie’s”, I would say. Best child of the year award, for sure.

Did I forget to tell you what she’s done this morning to deserve such praises? Oh, my apologies: she hasn’t done ANYTHING.

Because she’s still asleep. Praise the Lord

A Super Simple DIY

There are all kinds of blogs out there for people to showcase their DIY fails, but this one is pretty fool-proof. If my sister can do it, so can you!

*Just kidding Paige, you’re incredibly talented. :)

All you need is a clean surface and some chalkboard paint!¬† This is great for toddlers because they can stay occupied while your cooking, cleaning the kitchen, etc. Lilly has recently started learning her letters and numbers. In just about a year she’ll be starting classes at the private school my sister works at, and I want her to learn everything before she gets there.