A Post Without Pictures {You’re Welcome}

Have you ever had a moment with your child, when they do something that inflicts SO MUCH FUCKING PAIN to you that you your vision goes white and have to grasp a wad of whatever is closest to you in order to prevent your hands from flailing involuntarily in their direction?

…yeah, that happened.

I mean sure, with an{almost} four year old, and a one year old, it has definitely happened more than once. When my oldest was about 2, she was sitting in my lap and moved her head backwards into my nose at such a high level of velocity that I was sure It’d been flattened. All I remember is hearing a loud CRACK, then seeing white. No blood that time though. Since she never inflicted an injury that required a tourniquet, her little brother must have been plotting his “one-up” on her.

The three of us, sitting on my bed as we often do when Jackson wakes up from his nap. Laughing and cuddling and talking about dreams. An empty cup on my nightstand. A baby brother just itching to one-up his sister. He grabbed it. He chucked it. It bounced off Lilly’s head. Then straight into my mouth. A fat. Bloody. Lip.

Touche, little dude. Touche.


Advice [[Needed]]

Next weekend I’m making the big move. The move from crib, to bed for Lilly.  When I first sleep trained Lilly it was by the ever-controversial FERBER method, so I need to do some reading about the best ways to make this transition easiest on the both of us. I am WELL AWARE there will be several, SEVERAL sleepless nights ahead for me. I’m so excited for her to have a big girl room. I know she’ll love it too. What are some of the things that worked best for you? Any tips or suggestions?

An order of dumbbells with a steroid shot on the side, please

Blaine and I determined that it has been at least a year since either of us stepped foot inside any kind of a gym.  Tonight in an effort to put off doing laundry, we laced up our running shoes and decided to check out the fitness facilities here in our building.  Not much to brag about, not a ton of equipment, and not much to do in there, but we figured there was more excercize equipment in there, than in our condos so we decided to give the machines a try.  I called dibs on the elliptical cause it looked way more fun than the treadmill, and we decided to set a timer for 10 minutes and then we’d trade.  After the both of us had been going for roughly 5 minutes, we decided the burn was too strong.  We set our sights on the dumbbells, they looked like a pretty good time.  I picked up the lightest ones, not wanting to pull a muscle or strain an arm,  seeing as I already lug around a 27lb toddler everyday.  She can walk, but she def can’t keep up yet, so I usually just pick her up if I’m in a hurry.  Once we had our dumbbells in hand, we realized we had no idea what to do with them. I remembered a few routines from back when I had a personal trainer a few years ago, but other than that we just made it up as we went and laughed at ourselves in the mirror.  As I stared at myself, I told Blaine we should invent a piece of exercise equipment that works out double chins.  Seriously guys, why has nobody thought of that?  Go ahead, steal my idea and make one! I’ll totally buy it.  Cause I have a life.  A busy one. And don’t have time to create such fiiiine pieces of machinery.  Thank you.   So about that steroid injection, the guy in the fitness room with us may have had a few too many.  Every time he did a chest press I thought his bacne might explode.  I kept my distance.  He was grunting uncontrollably!  It was super awkward.  I thought about asking him if he could show us some good simple excercise, but then I realized he had turned up the music on his iPhone and had put in his ear buds.  Probably to drown out our laughter, and the country music we turned on when we realized their was a radio.  Oh, and for those of you OBSESSED with pinterest, Blaine even whipped her iPhone out at one point so we could look at thinspiration and good workout techniques.  It was awesome.  Day 1 at the gym, success.  Fooling around down there not only made us laugh, but it got us active, which is a lot better than what we would have been doing at home on our couches, and it also put off laundry for a while.  I’ll call that a win-win, and you can call it whatever you want!

Side note: Sorry this post doesn’t include pictures.  It’s for your health and well being.  NOBODY, should have to see us in the gym. Really, we did you a favor this time.