Vacation

I spent all weekend chasing my kids around a kiddie pool

blair li

 

And soaking up time with family

carole jackie

And capturing as many smiles as possible

jackie ball

 And I want to go back now

kids

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A Post Without Pictures {You’re Welcome}

Have you ever had a moment with your child, when they do something that inflicts SO MUCH FUCKING PAIN to you that you your vision goes white and have to grasp a wad of whatever is closest to you in order to prevent your hands from flailing involuntarily in their direction?

…yeah, that happened.

I mean sure, with an{almost} four year old, and a one year old, it has definitely happened more than once. When my oldest was about 2, she was sitting in my lap and moved her head backwards into my nose at such a high level of velocity that I was sure It’d been flattened. All I remember is hearing a loud CRACK, then seeing white. No blood that time though. Since she never inflicted an injury that required a tourniquet, her little brother must have been plotting his “one-up” on her.

The three of us, sitting on my bed as we often do when Jackson wakes up from his nap. Laughing and cuddling and talking about dreams. An empty cup on my nightstand. A baby brother just itching to one-up his sister. He grabbed it. He chucked it. It bounced off Lilly’s head. Then straight into my mouth. A fat. Bloody. Lip.

Touche, little dude. Touche.

Teeth

I would end somebody if they dared post a picture of me from this angle, but look at those teeth! He is 14 months and finally got a top tooth. Now he can eat good food, all day err day.
jax

Face Palm

Being the mother of an [almost] four year old has got to be more entertaining than Stand Up Live. The kids go to an in-home day care, and the providers name is Katie. The other day after I had picked up the kids and we were driving home, Lilly says “Mom, Miss Katie told me to GO”. I asked her where Katie wanted her to “GO”, and she said “She told me to go play in the other room when she was talking on the phone!” [Note, she is saying this like it’s the worst thing anybody has ever told her to do. And that’s saying a lot, considering I tell her to wipe her own ass.]

I digress.

I respond with “Well did you listen to Miss Katie and leave her alone while she was on the phone?” And I quote: “No Mom, let’s not talk about it anymore. It was soooo bad”.

Where does she come up with this stuff? It’s a combination of her tone of voice, and the phrases she spits out. I just cant..

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For a little nugget that looks harmless, the girl sure can be a terror. Last night when I was loading the kids into the car in front of Katie’s house, Lilly said she peed in her shorts. I thought she meant right there as she was climbing into her car seat, so naturally I FLIP and ask why she didn’t go in the bathroom. She’s never had an accident! She proceeds to tell me she had just woken up from a nap [In Miss Katie’s bed], and peed while she was sleeping. Katie didn’t mention it to me, and since Lilly was still in her pee pants, I assumed she didn’t tell Katie. Turns out my hypothesis was correct…I asked Lil and she responded with “No way, YOU tell her. You call her right now and tell her on the phone that I peed in her bed, MOM!”

The kid sure isn’t short on sass.

Parenting Fail

Just like every other mediocre parent out there, I forget to watch what comes out of my mouth while in the company of my three year old. Most of the time I don’t even notice it, and I think that’s because she doesn’t blurt out “Oooooh mommy you just said a bad word”, or whatever little three year old tattle tales who know not to cuss blurt out. It’s as if she hears me curse, stores it away silently in a memory file titled “save for later” in her little brain, waiting for the perfect opportunity to use it. Then, naturally when her pretty little mouth utters this filth, I’m like WHERE THE FUCK HECK DID YOU LEARN THAT MISSY? Please tell me I’m not alone here..

lil

Just the other day she was banging a toy on the kitchen table, so after about 341234 times of telling her STOP IT PLEASE, I reached over and grabbed the toy and put it away. You guys…you should have seen her face. She looked at me the way I used to look at my mom when she was ruining my life by not letting a friend sleep over in the 5th grade…You know, all “How dare you, biatch..I’m totally calling CPS and telling them you hate me.” – And my mom was all like “Go ahead sweetheart, but I got news for you…They’re gonna take YOU away, not me…so have fun with your creepy new foster siblings…”

I digress

So she looked at me with this face that I’ll never forget, then her eyes got all shifty and she said:

What the…

What the…(her eyes still shifty…like she was racking her brain for the “save for later” file…)

What the…

What the HELL?!

FACE PALM! These moments are bound to happen, all I can do about it is correct them firmly, and thank God it didn’t happen in front of her Grandmother….

What are some of your recent parenting fails?

DIY

A few weeks ago a cousin passed down a piece of furniture for my daughter to enjoy as she grows up. It’s a little old ice cream parlor style table and chairs. When I got it, let’s just say it took a while to come up with some inspiration. My cousin that had been using it has long outgrown it. It had been sitting in a garage collecting dust and rust. This table’s grandchildren are practically antiques…let’s just put it that way.

So it sat, and it sat, while I tried to think of the best way to modernize it. My sister is obsessed with chalkboard paint, so the first thing we decided was that the metal tabletop, would obviously be painted as a chalkboard. This will also provide endless hours of entertainment for Lilly. Now all I had to decide was what color to do the base and the chairs. Some people thought I should do each chair a different color, some thought I should do ice cream parlor baby pink. Ultimately I decided on a blue-green and we went at it! Here are my before, middle, and after pictures:

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How to: First I sand papered everything. This was by far my most hated part of the whole process. Then once everything was sanded, we painted each piece separately with several coats of spray paint in our color of choice. We had detached the table top from the base, and put about 3 coats of chalkboard paint on that. Once everything was dry, we used a clear glossy sealer and sprayed that onto the chairs and base to give them a nice finish. Attach the table top once that’s dry, and voila! It was seriously too easy.

Sass

I’m being warmly welcomed into the stage of parenting in which children learn how to express a little too clearly their dissatisfaction for rules:

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Is she serious up there???

Lilly’s Room

I did it! She has a big girl bed. Will she sleep in it? Of course not, but hey, it’s a start. She still likes the comfort of sleeping within four walls, so I’m not going to force her or fight with her about sleeping in the bed. If she’s comfortable in her pack n play then so be it. Someday she’ll want to sleep in the big bed, and when that day comes it will be there for her. I love her white brick wall but I painted the wall across from it a light pink, and chose a colorful duvet, and different animal prints to tie it all together. It’s not 100% done yet, she needs a storage system of some sort. Here are the patters and colors I chose:

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