Abuse

A couple of weeks ago, one of my coworkers gave me some insight into her incredibly abusive relationship. I know this is such a dark topic, but please, bear with me.

She was crying at her desk, feverishly text messaging somebody, when finally I just had to ask what was going on. She said her boyfriend, the father of her eight month old baby, was mad at her because she didn’t clean their daughters high chair to his liking. She said she wanted to file a restraining order, and she asked me if I thought she was over-reacting. I asked her to see her phone so I could read the conversation, and I’d let her know, honestly, if she was being crazy, or if she really needed to get away.

The things I read…

I have never, in all 26 years of my life, read anything so cruel…Sure I knew abusive relationships existed, but I’d certainly never seen one first hand. I was physically shaking. I cried on the drive home from work. I assured her she needed to file a restraining order, gather her precious baby, and get the hell out of her home immediately.

Her strength…

When we hear about women stuck in abusive relationships, the stigma seems to be that they stay. Out of fear, weakness, whatever it may be. Sure she had her hesitations, her worries, and doubts. But those feelings were fleeting. She is seriously focusing on her value. She is so strong. An inspiration. A fighter. A role model. A princess. My hero.

Her irrational mind…

She is worried that her ex boyfriend is sad. That he is sad that their daughter has been taken away from him. That she won’t get to spend time with him, and worried in general about his basic emotions. His emotions don’t matter. I have to remind her that he did this to himself, and she should accept no responsibility for his actions. Because they are just that, HIS. He didn’t care that his daughter saw her father love her mother. He didn’t think is was important to honor, respect, and cherish the woman that gave Lucy life. He wasn’t sad when he was degrading her mother via text message, calling her a Pig. Lazy. Child. Bitch. Dumb ass. He didn’t care how she felt when he told her that he was going to make her stay up until midnight scrubbing the house clean. EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. For the sole purpose of taking away something she likes; sleep. What new mother doesn’t?

All over a dirty high chair…

I know I have several hundred followers. My sole intent in writing this post, was to get this off my chest, as nothing has ever eaten at me more…And I hope that if even one of you is going through something similar, that you know you are beautiful. You can leave. It will be okay. And YOU are all that matters.

s

xoxo

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5 thoughts on “Abuse

  1. As someone who was in an abusive relationship for five years, it’s an incredibly complex thing. I am an intelligent woman and I was one of those people who used to say “well, why don’t they just leave?” It’s not that simple. I also worried that my then bf would be sad being alone, or broken hearted that I would leave. Also, it’s the simple knowing that IN the relationship you know what to expect, even though it’s crazy making. When a woman leaves an abusive relationship, she is 7 times more likely to be killed LEAVING. I went into hiding (and 10 years later still have an unlisted phone/address) out of fear that he will find me. He promised that as long as he was alive I was “his,” and he had the right to do with me what he wanted. For any woman going through this, please seek help. There is help out there, and you aren’t crazy – these are not normal relationships. Love doesn’t hurt in that way. Leaving was the hardest thing I ever did, but 10 years later, I am a different person than that woman – I’ve rebuilt my credit (most abusers financially abuse their victims also, making it difficult to leave); I’ve bought a home, I have a great job and I’m healthy and happy. There is light at the end of the tunnel. My heart goes out to your coworker during this incredibly difficult time. Let her know she is not alone.

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