I hate naming blog posts, so I’ve adorned this fine piece of non fiction with the name that is imprinted on all of the fitness equipment in my gym. Mostly because I couldn’t think of a better title, and also because this is my blog, and I do what I want.
This baby kicked my ass last night. TRUE story.
You know what I love?
I love that I’ve been going to the gym every other evening, without fail.
I love that I went last night, yet I want to go again tonight.
I love the high it gives me.
I love the burn in my thighs.
I love the notion that my sweat, is actually just my fat crying.
I love the ache in my abs when I do crunches.
I love challenging myself.
I love each bead of moisture that stings my eyes.
I love the new pants I bought recently, that are a size smaller.
The only thing I can not stand, is that each wall of the gym is essentially a floor to ceiling mirror. When I’m not looking in them, I feel on top of the world. I almost feel, skinny. It only takes one quick glance at my reflection to notice that nope, I’m still the biggest girl in there.
I don’t care about the number on the scale.
I just want to get to the point where I can look at a picture of myself, and not grimace.
I’m getting there. One step at a time.
Everyday I can run a little bit further. Plank a little bit longer. Those small feats will get me there in the long run.
Sure there are obstacles. Eating healthy is expensive. Finding time to work out is almost as exhausting as the workout itself.
I work long days, and late into the night. Often not even stepping foot into the gym til around 11pm. Getting home around midnight, and starting my new day bright and early with an energized toddler.
However, if it’s important to you, you will find a way. If not, you’ll find an excuse.
Finding “a way”, has given me much more pride in myself than allowing me to continue to come up with excuses. I’m done being the fat girl. I’m done with hearing people tell me “Oh my God Blair, stop it! You’re not fat”. Yes I am people. Yes I am.
But I’m doing something about it. And just because I write this blog, and document my journey doesn’t mean I feel bad about myself. It means I’ve accepted the reality of my decisions and old habits, and I’ve come to terms with them. Now I’m doing something about it. There is nothing sad about that.